EGG-SHAPED SLEEVE

Ahh, Ten-ga.

Jelly is fun, sure. You can pluck it, you can squeeze it. You can even knead it, like a cat ready to do it. But delectable as gels may be, I prefer my longterm toys something solid. I like to keep glass objects in my toolbox. They look like sculptures, in certain circles, with none the wiser.

(giant candy cane on Christmas morning, tally ho)

I’ve even got a special thermometer of my own. To be hygienic, naturally I keep a few wrappers around, individually packaged,¬†and I stash them magically on a tabletop.

GENIE LAMP

A HIDEY SPOT

In the course of these acquisitions,
I’ve accumulated a bit of wisdom and know-how.

  • Thy local grocer/convenience store shall stock condoms only of the lubed variety. Thus I have seen, thus it shall always be.
  • The internet offers competitive pricing. No need to buy from sex shops, unless purchasing clothing. Figures come in all dimensions. Sizing measurements do too.
  • The upside to patronizing brick-and-mortar stores: reusable bags, the nice kind. With tissue paper on top. All the ones I’ve seen are brandless or logo’d with a monogram. Bonus points if a recipient of your new ‘gift bag’ recognizes its design.

This information could come in handy. Next year, maybe. Or anytime, really. Just so you know.