Lately it seems that whatever turns your crank the most (or doesn’t, for all you asexy lovelies) merits the orientation denotation.

Well. In that case, who’s to say I’m not a

hottiesexual?

Age old question:
Which is the superior OS for dealing with a virus? And let’s keep it proprietary.

Whichever it is, the loser’s gotta be the product of corporate shenanigans out to cheaply make a buck. Yeah/no? Are we gonna perpetuate the myth of an easy weakness? A vulnerability? A target.

When it comes to unwanted transmissions,

Macs : PCs :: men : women.

There must be something to account for the skewed ratio of infections, right?

BAD TOUCH ANALOGY

Choices make all the difference. In how we feel, profoundly. It’s risky business, for instance, to laud another’s actions without due consideration for all the decisions that were involved.

It’s not clear, though, on the flip side of feelings, whether or how much decision-making power holds sway over our happiness in the end. What I can say is, predictably, I don’t like it one bit.

I don’t like one bit being forced into a decision complicit by chance. Quitting is one thing; doing without is another. Not having a machine I can reliably game on gnaws at me for relief. I’ll pull through somehow, thanks to irreparable wear and tear, without my go-to opiate. And in the foreseeable future that gaping absence isn’t going to change.

What would make it all worth it is, if as an ex-gamer, I get to meet and talk to a bonafide ex-gay.

EGG-SHAPED SLEEVE

Ahh, Ten-ga.

Jelly is fun, sure. You can pluck it, you can squeeze it. You can even knead it, like a cat ready to do it. But delectable as gels may be, I prefer my longterm toys something solid. I like to keep glass objects in my toolbox. They look like sculptures, in certain circles, with none the wiser.

(giant candy cane on Christmas morning, tally ho)

I’ve even got a special thermometer of my own. To be hygienic, naturally I keep a few wrappers around, individually packaged, and I stash them magically on a tabletop.

GENIE LAMP

A HIDEY SPOT

In the course of these acquisitions,
I’ve accumulated a bit of wisdom and know-how.

  • Thy local grocer/convenience store shall stock condoms only of the lubed variety. Thus I have seen, thus it shall always be.
  • The internet offers competitive pricing. No need to buy from sex shops, unless purchasing clothing. Figures come in all dimensions. Sizing measurements do too.
  • The upside to patronizing brick-and-mortar stores: reusable bags, the nice kind. With tissue paper on top. All the ones I’ve seen are brandless or logo’d with a monogram. Bonus points if a recipient of your new ‘gift bag’ recognizes its design.

This information could come in handy. Next year, maybe. Or anytime, really. Just so you know.